i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
