I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he shaved USA in his pubs
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
