Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
