I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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