just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
