??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
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Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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