I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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