Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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