i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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