My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Brb crying the tears of my youth
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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