Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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