I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
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You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
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I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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