the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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