i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
