i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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