When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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