Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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