I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize