if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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