She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
