Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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