I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
