im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
