I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
