Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
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Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
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I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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