Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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