I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
