I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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