dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Randomize
