So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
