does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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