just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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