think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
