I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
