Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize