i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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