How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
