oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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