He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
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Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
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but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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