I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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