I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
