Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize