haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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