I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
