well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
