sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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