at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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