I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize