I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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