He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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