just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
