I am puke
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
smell my finger.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The power of my boobs compel you
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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