dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
