She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
