i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
