I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
