just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
