she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Drake has all the answers
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
