Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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