I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
