Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
