no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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