yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
