My balls are so social today.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
