it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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