chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
