I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
