i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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