I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
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You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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