my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
