I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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