No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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