Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
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