hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
What a dumb baby whore.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
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