There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
