For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
