I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
