In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
