How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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