Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
